50 Things I Didn’t Know Before I Had Kids

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I didn’t know…

 What it means to be busy.

What exhaustion is.

A six-year-old can swallow an AAA battery and have it pass right through his system.

 A four-year-old can stick a hexagon nut so far up her nose a hospital trip is necessary to get it removed.

We would clean off a hexagon nut covered in boogers and screw it back on the bolt where it belongs.

 I am capable of homeschooling my children.

A one and a half year old can remove his diaper and smear poo on the walls when he’s supposed to be sleeping.

I would rather record him, rather than stop him from smearing the poo.

 I would wake up at 2 AM only to have The Wiggles – Big Red Car song in my head, go back to sleep and wake up in the morning with the next verse.

 How expensive American Girl dolls are.

 Sticking shaving cream into the hairdryer is very logical to a four and six yr old and hilarious when it starts smoking.

 How much cooperation you need from a baby to buckle him into a car seat.

The inevitability of walking around with baby puke, food and or baby boogers on my shirt.

 The inevitability of being  pooped on repeatedly.

 How difficult it is to maneuver a stroller around clothing racks.

How high some playgrounds are built.

A child will watch his favourite movie over and over again.

I would learn every word of my children’s favourite movies by heart.

How to get a child to peepee in the toilet.

Wipes would get permanent marker off of skin, in fact it would get just about anything off any surface and still be gentle enough for a babies bottom.

What true love is.

Moon sand vacuums up off white carpet surprisingly well.

Play-doh is delicious to children.

That no matter how well I protect the area, paint will get everywhere during a craft.

What it’s like to be really snuggled in the mornings.

I would willingly kiss a fevered face repeatedly even though I knew I’d catch the bug.

It really isn’t worth crying over spilled milk, coffee or any other form of liquid.

What it would be like to take care of sick children while I was sick.

That children really do say the darndest things, and that I’d think my children are the funniest around.

That my favourite subject of conversation would be my children.

The horror of discovering that I ran out of diapers while out and the baby pooped.

I would willingly talk about poop on a regular basis.

Sometimes I’d sleep with one of my daughters stuffies because she asked me to and I promised I would.

I would rather spend an early Saturday morning at the soccer field than sleep in.

A two year old would not think twice about eating a live slug.

I’d have to reprimand my daughter repeatedly for mooning guests at a bbq.

The joy of meeting my babies for the first time and how it would change my life.

That no matter what I do, people would judge my parenting skills.

How much time I would spend dressing and undressing Barbies.

The pain of stepping on a tiny piece of Lego in the middle of the night.

How every little boy discovers Spiderman and Star Wars even though they’ve never seen the movies.

How many tickle spots children have.

The panicked feeling of losing a child only to realize they’re standing right behind me.

How noisy a car full of children could get.

How quickly a snuggle with the family pet could go from affection to torture.

Children grow out of clothes and shoes freakishly fast.

How little privacy I would have in the bathroom or in general.

Laundry would become a never ending chore.

Some children enjoy eating boogers.

I would do ANYTHING to protect my precious children.


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