50 Things I Didn’t Know Before I Had Kids
I didn’t know…
- What it means to be busy.
- What exhaustion is.
- A six-year-old can swallow an AAA battery and have it pass right through his system.
- A four-year-old can stick a hexagon nut so far up her nose a hospital trip is necessary to get it removed.
- We would clean off a hexagon nut covered in boogers and screw it back on the bolt where it belongs.
- I am capable of homeschooling my children.
- A one and a half-year-old can remove his diaper and smear poo on the walls when he’s supposed to be sleeping.
- I would rather record him, rather than stop him from smearing the poo.
- I would wake up at 2 AM only to have The Wiggles – Big Red Car song in my head, go back to sleep and wake up in the morning with the next verse.
- How expensive American Girl dolls are.
- Sticking shaving cream into the hairdryer is very logical to a four and six yr old and hilarious when it starts smoking.
- How much cooperation you need from a baby to buckle him into a car seat.
- The inevitability of walking around with baby puke, food and or baby boogers on my shirt.
- The inevitability of being pooped on repeatedly.
- How difficult it is to maneuver a stroller around clothing racks.
- How high some playgrounds are built.
- A child will watch his favourite movie over and over again.
- I would learn every word of my children’s favourite movies by heart.
- How to get a child to peepee in the toilet.
- Wipes would get permanent marker off of skin, in fact it would get just about anything off any surface and still be gentle enough for a babies bottom.
- What true love is.
- Moon sand vacuums up off white carpet surprisingly well.
- Play-doh is delicious to children.
- That no matter how well I protect the area, the paint will get everywhere during a craft.
- What it’s like to be really snuggled in the mornings.
- I would willingly kiss a fevered face repeatedly even though I knew I’d catch the bug.
- It really isn’t worth crying over spilled milk, coffee or any other form of liquid.
- What it would be like to take care of sick children while I was sick.
- That children really do say the darndest things, and that I’d think my children are the funniest around.
- That my favourite subject of conversation would be my children.
- The horror of discovering that I ran out of diapers while out and the baby pooped.
- I would willingly talk about poop on a regular basis.
- Sometimes I’d sleep with one of my daughter’s stuffies because she asked me to and I promised I would.
- I would rather spend an early Saturday morning at the soccer field than sleep in.
- A two-year-old would not think twice about eating a live slug.
- I’d have to reprimand my daughter repeatedly for mooning guests at a bbq.
- The joy of meeting my babies for the first time and how it would change my life.
- That no matter what I do, people would judge my parenting skills.
- How much time I would spend dressing and undressing Barbies.
- The pain of stepping on a tiny piece of Lego in the middle of the night.
- How every little boy discovers Spiderman and Star Wars even though they’ve never seen the movies.
- How many tickle spots children have.
- The panicked feeling of losing a child only to realize they’re standing right behind me.
- How noisy a car full of children could get.
- How quickly a snuggle with the family pet could go from affection to torture.
- Children grow out of clothes and shoes freakishly fast.
- How little privacy I would have in the bathroom or in general.
- Laundry would become a never-ending chore.
- Some children enjoy eating boogers.
- I would do ANYTHING to protect my precious children.
Very Enjoyable, and Funny!